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I’m Alive

            I felt my body jolt awake, and if it weren’t for his arms, I probably would have rolled off the bed. I jumped out of my dream and into reality. I knew it was a good dream, but I just couldn’t remember it. How is that possible? It was happening not even a second ago, and I just couldn’t remember it.

            His arms tightened around me as he moaned and stretched his long limbs against my body. I tried to open my eyes, but they were stuck shut. He pulled me closer, tighter, until I couldn’t breathe. “Joe!” I screeched playfully.

            His muffled laugh was hot against my neck. “Good morning, love,” he whispered, his lips pushed against my ear. I flinched at his playful touch on my sensitive skin. “How was your slumber?” He asked in his stupid British accent. Finally, I had unglued my eyes and they were adjusting to the room around me. How had I gotten to my room? I had expected to wake up on the bathroom floor…

            He moved his hand up my body and then squeezed my face together. “Hello little Demetria.” He mocked, squeezing my cheeks, pretending to make me talk. I laughed and tried to protest, but he kept going. “You are a beautiful person, Demetria. Why you so bad to yourself, huh? Why you so bad?”

            I stopped laughing. What was he trying to do? And suddenly, it came back to me. He had helped me off the bathroom floor last night. I tried to talk to him, but I was too weak. He must have freaked out. I had cut, I had purged, I was a mess. He’d never seen me like that. Oh no.

            I tried turning to face him, and he loosened his grip so I could roll over. We stared into each other’s eyes for a while. I listened to his breath and felt his chest rise and fall against mine. This is what it feels like to be alive. Why don’t you want to be alive?

            I tore my eyes away from his and focused on his bare chest. “I’m not bad to myself.” I whispered, reaching out to play with his few chest hairs.

            He took my head in his hands and tilted it up, so that our eyes met again. “We’re gonna fix you, babe. We’ll do it. Together.” I smiled at him, and I tried, I really did. I tried to imagine me being different. I tried to imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a beautiful face, a beautiful body, a beautiful girl. It just wasn’t happening. I didn’t see how that could happen.

            “Let’s get out of bed.” He declared, throwing off the covers, skillfully moving his body over mine and landing on the floor. “We’ve got lots to do today, babe.” We always had “lots to do”. He just didn’t want me in bed all day. But that’s really all I wanted.

            “I have work.” I mumbled, still tangled in the sheets, refusing to show any part of my body to the light of day.

            “I’ll drive you then.” He offered back.

            He put his face up close to mine, a clever distraction, and ripped the covers off. I screamed and writhed in protest, struggling to get them back, but he had completely stripped them off the bed. “Joe! Stop it! I don’t have to leave yet! Joe, give them back!” I sat up and jumped on his back, trying to grab them back from him. It wasn’t until a few seconds into our play wrestling match that I realized I was completely naked. My heart dropped to my throat. What happened last night? There was no way he would take advantage of me when I was like that. Would he?

            We both suddenly realized at the same time, and I slowly maneuvered myself back onto the bed. He gave in, sat down on the bed behind me, and wrapped the covers around me. We stayed like that for a while, his arms wrapped around my whole body, moving up and down, warming me, because I hadn’t noticed, but I was shivering.

            After a few minutes he whispered, “So you don’t have to leave yet do you?”

            I shook my head in response, drifting back into sleep with the hypnotizing circles his arms were making around my body.

            “Dem, it’s 10:00.”

            My eyes shot open, and my body projected me into a standing position. “It’s what?!” I scrambled around, dropped down to my hands and knees, searching for my phone on the floor. I must have a million missed calls. For all I know, I’m probably fired by now. “Where the fuck is my phone? Where is my phone?” I stopped in my tracks and realized he was perched on the bed, softly laughing. “You’re seriously laughing at me right now? I could be fired at this very moment, Joe. Where’s my phone?”

            He continued to laugh and I continued to search, opening every drawer, looking through every bag I had. After around just two minutes of frantically searching, I had had enough.

            “Is this a joke?” I was standing in front of him with my hands on my hips, glaring into his creased eyes. He was still smiling at me. Even though I had put on a t-shirt to cover my bare-nakedness, I was still pretty bare-naked. He wasn’t really amused anymore. He was turned on. Oh my god. He was completely turned on. He looked like he had x-ray vision or something, taking in every bit of my body with his hungry, hungry eyes. I blushed under his scrutinizing stare.

            “What are you doing?” And he refused to answer, still looking at me like that.

            “This is starting to creep me out. Joe, what’s going on? I need to get to set before I get fired!”

            “You look so hot right now.” A smile played on his lips and I realized he was not listening to a word I was saying.

            I moved closer to him, and his eyes got wider. I put my face as close as I could to his. “Joe! Do you hear me? I am going to get fired!”

            He grabbed me around the waist and in one swift motion, pinned my down on the bed beneath him. I wiggled and squirmed under his ridiculously strong frame, screaming, and yelling, but he was secured on top of me.

            His face was hovering over mine, with his mouth hanging open. My lips were parted slightly, because my heavy breath couldn’t keep them closed. It took me a few seconds to catch my breath, as we breathed into each other’s mouths, his lips directly above mine, but never touching.

            “I’m officially fired.” I breathed into his mouth.

            “Except that today’s Saturday.” He breathed back, the biggest smile on his face that I’ve ever seen. I was honestly ready to slap him. I was ready to roll out from underneath him and deprive him of sex until I got him back for this horrible prank. But I couldn’t. That face was so- so- I don’t even know the word. Delicious. His face was delicious, as was every other part of his body, and I wanted to eat and snack and munch on it until I was bursting with it. I wanted to be fat with him. I didn’t need food when I had him.

            “I’m gonna kill you.” I said. But it already came out as a moan, as he was reaching down and slowly pulling my t-shirt over my head. His eyes locked with mine and he gave me a reassuring smile.

            “We’ll save that for later…” 

shared 2 years ago on May/1/2012, with 2 notes.

  1. talesoftherichandfamous posted this